How to show up in relationships
Relationships span much further than the romantic. We have colleagues, neighbours, friends, relatives and acquaintances. Many of these relationships can feel unfulfilling because they lack real depth. Yet, building strong relationships is key to achieving success in life. That’s why it’s so important to evaluate how you show up in all of your relationships.
It goes without saying that we should treat people with kindness and respect. These are some of the pillars to a healthy relationship. Another important aspect of a strong relationship is support. Connections between people develop and strengthen when they are there for each other and can rely on one another. Very few ask for help and conversely, not many offer help unless they have been asked. Fear, guilt, shame and embarrassment or not wanting to ‘put people out’ can hold individuals back from getting the support they really need. Building strong relationships means paying close attention to those in your life so you can identify when someone is struggling or needs a helping hand. Being specific about the assistance you can offer will overcome the initial pushback or objection because it shows you understand and care. Giving is one of the best ways to establish a real relationship and lasting connection because you’re not viewing the situation as if it’s all about you. In time, your recipient should follow the same approach and you both end up looking out for each other.
You get out what you put in
What helps to sustain a healthy relationship is continuing to put the effort in and nourishing the bond. Making time for each other to (re)connect, share experiences and listen is fundamental to all of your relationships, no matter if they’re personal, professional or romantic. Putting the time in can deepen your connection allowing it to grow to new levels of trust and satisfaction. We can only get to know someone properly and understand their needs when we listen to them and they listen to us. We can struggle in all interactions because of communication issues. Everyone wants to be heard, which means we want to talk.
Technology in particular has affected our communication negatively. If we are unable to detach from the digital world, we no longer have moments to think or reflect. Losing the ability to reflect about our relationships and reactions means we lose spending time with those we love because our minds are distracted. When you’re in the presence of another, limit your phone use and avoid placing your phone on the table when meeting for a lunch or coffee date. The mere presence of a phone can ruin a conversation, resulting in an unfulfilling interaction with less substance; so much so that it’s known as the “iPhone effect”. Getting together is an important social ritual that we engage in with others and that should be the focus. That said, sometimes technology is the only connection we have to our close circle. Of course, it depends on what you’re using your device for - video calling your friends or family can actually boost your relationships as it allows you to stay connected. Just remember, communication is a skill. It requires practice and like any skill, it can improve. The first step is awareness. But what about communicating with yourself?
Knowing me, knowing you
They say the most important relationship is with your inner voice. Showing up in relationships involves some form of introspection: understanding, supporting and loving yourself. Sometimes our inner voice or chatter can be a little too loud, making mindfulness techniques and healing retreats all the more beneficial. The psychologist Carl Jung explored the archetype of the “divine child” and how we can heal ourselves by consciously “reparenting” our inner child’s trauma and pain. Exploring such ideals can help us understand more about our relationships with ourselves and others. Initiating a healing journey can help us to identify our emotions, allow us to communicate properly and remain true to ourselves in times of conflict. Looking inward, empowering and supporting yourself is just as important as doing it for others. When you understand who you are, you can connect with others on a new level and really show up for others.
A healthy relationship is mutually beneficial. It requires effort, support and love from both sides. With the right mindset and behaviour, you can strengthen the relationships in your life to leave you feeling more fulfilled and connected to life in general. It can allow you to live in the moment, while looking out for others, becoming more compassionate, empathetic and reflective.